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"...you know when you want something so much, you eventually forget why you wanted it in the first place?" the last words i ever heard from her. calling from a rusty payphone, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. my bet is Colorado. as i look into the mug she used to drink her morning coffee with, i always picture her hitchhiking her way across Colorado. i guess any other state will do. she's not here anymore and she isn't coming back. strange how that sentence has haunted me ever since. not because of its content or meaning, but because it was cut off. no more quarters spent with old Mike. you can just go fuck yourself while i ride for thousands of miles trying to "find my soul" (and don't forget to do that stupid motion of the middle and index fingers as you say it...). why do i mock other people's soul searching, you might ask. first of all, it's bullshit. second of all, it's bullshit. we've all lost our souls a long time ago. there's no point trying to go back and get it again. that's why i'm so bitter and cynical. i know when i lost mine. and i know i can never get it back. you see, letting someone die kind of gets to you. well, i just hope she can find hers. i know she'll probably think i'm miserable because she left me and that i still love her. how wrong could she be? everyone knows you can't love someone on a different postcode...